Within These Four Walls

Within_These_Four_Walls

Listen to the Spoken Word version of this poem

***

350 sq ft, it’s a studio!

It’s cozy and the university is right next door and it’s so convenient, I love it.

I will furnish it, I will make this my home!

— That’s what I said when I moved in 4 years ago.

Had I known I’d have to live within these four walls for 4 months and counting…

These four walls have seen a lot!

I have cried here for days, didn’t get up from my bed.

I have laughed like a maniac with my friends right within these four walls.

These four walls have seen my lovers,

Over the years they changed,

No, not just the shift of blonde to dark hair or blue eyes to green eyes,

But the change I hadn’t anticipated,

The change within them,

I left these four walls confused,

They probably wondered “how does he make her happy when every time she thinks about him, she has tears in her eyes?”

These four walls have heard a lot of conversations…with myself!

One day I’m imagining being on the Oprah Show and the next day I received some award for something I don’t know!

These four walls have seen me in pain,

These four walls have seen me being vain,

These four walls have become my best friend.

I don’t open my window often but when it rains,

I stick my head out and soak in the essence of the petrichor!

First monsoon without being utterly annoyed by it,

First monsoon without a kiss,

First monsoon without anyone to miss.

I miss over-packing my suitcase,

I miss seeing that tag with my name at the airport,

I miss being clueless in a new country, I do miss asking random people for direction.

I miss observing people – sitting in a little coffee shop with a book that I’m definitely not reading,

I’m more focused on their conversation, what did he say?

“I can’t do it, Elle, you’re being unreasonable”

I miss all of that!

Now, back to these four walls!

I work hard every day with the storms in my head,

I cry every night just so that I can fall asleep in my bed and I’m not weak,

Don’t you ever think that I’m weak!

But, I want to give up at times,

I ask myself “what’s wrong with me” all the time,

I know how hard it gets, I do,

But you have to fight,

We will pull through!

It’s not easy, I know, I freaking know!

But hear it from me,

If I can do this, so can you!

***

2 thoughts on “Within These Four Walls

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