Getting into the dating world after a year-long relationship can be pretty messy. It’s tough. When you break up with someone you had become comfortable with, you struggle a lot to get out of that comfort zone. Do I really want to meet different people and tell them about my tragic & lonely childhood? No! But, it’s a conversation that I can’t avoid; just like the one about “what happened in your last relationship” or, “how does a girl like you stay single?”
I took my chances, I tried my best: I met all kinds of men – divorced with a kid, just divorced, never been married, doctorate, engineer, lawyer, investment banker, on a sabbatical, just exploring the world, educator, entrepreneur, real estate agent, works for his dad, general manager, vice president, assistant vice president, regional sales manager, and the list goes on. So, it is safe to say that I really put myself out there. I never really asked them “what are you looking for,” because, I didn’t want to answer that myself. I didn’t know what I was looking for. I was too busy, had a lot on my plate and practically, I had no clue what I should have been looking for. All I knew was I had to slowly step into the world and get out of my comfort zone.
There’s a wonderful thing about men – they stick up for each other and I like that. I wish women followed it more. Men are ‘men’ first then they’re a son, brother, father, friend or whatever but, women are a friend or daughter or sister or wife or mother first, then they’re women. If you say something about a woman to a woman, she’s more likely to believe it; even without any proof or context. All these men I went out with were astonished by the fact that my last partner wasn’t loyal to me because I’m too pretty, educated, well-spoken; hence, my last partner had to have some great reasons to cheat on a woman like me and they tried their best to be convinced with the idea that I have a crazy hidden under all this pretty.
I would spend most of the evenings defending myself. Yes! I’m beautiful but I can be cheated on too because it has nothing to do with me. Cheating is a personality trait, it doesn’t depend on your partner.
I remember I went out on a date with this gentleman who was fairly nice but when I said my last partner wasn’t loyal to me, he said:
“Wasn’t loyal to you, who were you dating? Brad Pitt?”
“So you’re telling me that being Brad Pitt gives you an excuse to cheat on your partner?”
“No! I didn’t mean it like that. I was complimenting you, your beauty”
“By saying if I were cheated on by Brad Pitt, it’d have been okay”
I didn’t want to be too hard on him; I’m sure that’s not how he planned it in his head. There was another instance; this gentleman said to me:
“You know, it’s possible to love someone and still cheat on them because it’s only a physical thing”
He started defending my last partner’s behavior like he was his best friend. I couldn’t take it anymore and got up with tears in my eyes:
“People love differently. I understand what you’re saying and I believe that it is possible to be physically involved with someone even though you love someone else but my last partner used to text other girls when I would sleep right next to him and we had met after a month. I don’t know what kind of love that is. I don’t know why he did what he did; perhaps because he thought I’d never find out. I was fooled but I loved that man, for God’s sakes I stayed with him until I lost myself, I treated him like a husband but guess what? He likes being a client. So, I don’t know if you’re defending my last partner or your future behavior, either way, I’m out of here.”
I came back that night and my friend asked: “How did the date go?”
I said: “I never thought being pretty could be a problem while finding a partner but guess what, it is! If he texts me right now I’m just gonna throw myself at him because I’m exhausted. I’m just going to get back together; I can’t do this anymore”
Since then I stopped telling men that my last partner wasn’t loyal. I took a different approach that worked out well for me. I started telling them that “you know we had a huge age gap and the energy was just not matching,” men loved accepting that answer often with a smirk because they were excited to show me their energy level. Apparently, it was fair for a pretty girl like me to leave a man quite older than her because the sex was boring. My problem was solved until I met him. He had me. He was like a breath of fresh air, different from everyone I had met so far. You know how they say in the first 10 minutes you just know…I knew! He had me with his brown eyes and dark hair and how my arms struggled to reach him even though I was wearing heels.
I wanted to be honest with him from the beginning; he said:
“Hey, I’m sure you have good reasons not to be with him; those are your reasons and I don’t need an explanation from you”
“So, you don’t want to know how a freaking gorgeous woman like me is single?”
“I’m glad that you are single, I get to meet you”
It was going well; then COVID-19 happened and he had to go back to his country. So, you see, dating is a lot like gambling. At first, you’re confused, you’re a little agitated, a little anxious; by the time you get used to it, the dice rolls again and you never know what you’re gonna get.